I'm outta Here (Dead in the Coffin) Oct 2016

I’m Outta here © Tony Fallon.101617

This is the one thing I wanted to postpone

Lying here dead in a coffin all alone

Had I been cremated there would have been no wake

And they could have thrown my ashes in the lake

I’m now dressed in the best suit I ever owned

I’d really scare the %$&# out of them if I moaned

The wife and the children are all spick and span

I can’t be buried until John gets home from Japan

He can fly into Belfast if his papers are in order

He shouldn’t have problems getting over the border

Two barrels of Guinness arrived this morning

That and bottles of whiskey for people mourning

It’s wonderful how you can get a crowd when you die

But you can’t get help to save the hay in July

John Murphy says doesn’t he look great Ned

He didn’t say that yesterday when I wasn’t dead

If I sat up in the coffin and spilled all the beans

Of strange things that went on behind the scenes

There would be many rows and ructions

About carryings on and many seductions

About men and women who were led astray

And what teenagers did in cocks of hay

Not everybody was faithful to their "Honey"

If I told all the secrets it wouldn’t be funny

How the farmers cheated widows in their dealings

Then drank the money with no guilty feelings

Not all the bullies told the priest about aggression

Saturday evenings when they went to confession

I’ve always been an atheist as you all know

So I’m all dressed up with no place to go

All of the neighbors thought I was very odd

I didn’t believe in the Devil I didn’t believe in God

I can’t go to heaven so I’ve been picked as a ghost

To scare people in Galway on the west coast.

But as long as no one calls me cheap or crass

I’ll keep my mouth shut and go out of here with class