Me and the Apple Tree 12/01/17

Me and the Apple Tree© Tony Fallon12/01/17
There’s an apple tree in an orchard 
The memory of it has me tortured
From a high up branch, I’d fallen 
And my leg was badly swollen
At least to two times its normal size
At last, someone heard my mournful cries
My situation was quite grim
I was stuck there on a limb
I could not go up or down
I could not go around
I was betwixt and between
When you came on the scene
I figured my pants I’d have to tear
If I was again to go anywhere
I felt just like a guinea pig
Stuck up there on a twig
If I didn’t think of a solution fast
I would soon be bare-assed
Well Johnny Mulvanee
Came quickly with his JCB
With his goatee, he looked like Ming
Or a native of Beijing
And he yells at me
“What the F*** you doing up my apple tree”
He showed a little more restraint
When I said “I think I’m going to faint”
I said “my injuries are severe
Could you get me out of here?
As quickly as you can I beg
Or I’ll lose my F****** leg”
Well he gave up his nonchalance
And had a quick response
He handled this big machine
Like the captain of a submarine
In a minute he had the bucket in place
Right beside the other shoe and my shoelace
This was really great
I now could relieve some of the weight
That was causing all this strain
On my body and my brain
In answer to my plea
You went up the other side of the tree
Cut my pants leg to the knee
And suddenly I was free
I never will forget you there all muddy
And me there helpless and all bloody
You held my hand as we crossed the field
And you visited me often until I was healed
I still wake up at night in a sweat
That day on the tree I shall never forget
You can take me to the chapel
You can give me a bottle of Snapple
But you can never get me to eat an apple.