The small fat man © Tony Fallon.020217
I have not been keeping up with my daily plan
My ever longing wish to be a better man
First was my plan to give up or reduce
What is sometimes referred to as “the juice”
I could give it up anytime I choose
My wife says I can’t I’m addicted to booze
The doctor insists I give up cigarettes
And he backs that up with all kinds of threats
If the doctors and nurses can’t give up the smokes
It’s a lot to be expecting from us plain folks
The ashtrays outside hospitals are full of butts
They are hooked on them like cops are to doughnuts
He told me my weight was getting out of hand
If I was a foot taller my weight would he grand
I asked him if it was ok if I got a stationary bike
He would rather if I went to the mountain to hike
I said I’d be terrified that I’d meet up with a bear
He said I had a better chance of meeting Fred Astaire
The next thing he started to talk about was my diet
Which I was going to have to start on that very night
He laid down the rules and I’ll have to be brief
It was bran cereal for breakfast and for supper no beef
But he was only starting and it got much more severe
In any twenty-four hour period, only one can of beer.
All the foods and seasoning I love came under assault
When I came home I threw out all the sugar and salt
If I should get up in the middle of the night with a crave
There is a picture of a big fat pig on the microwave
I don’t know if this diet and exercise will my life prolong
But the Doc said I’ll be fighting McGregor I’ll be so strong
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