What if? © Tony Fallon
2/18/2017.
What would life be
like without you I have often surmised?
I think I’d be very lonely and I’d have teardrops in my eyes
Around the house I am totally useless I have no womanly skills
I’m only good as spending money I never learned to pay the bills
I can hardly make my breakfast I don’t know how salad is tossed
I don’t know about washing cycles I don’t know how to defrost
The thought of using the propane dryer is really horrifying
I’d probably burn the house down while my clothes were drying
I’d never find clean underwear or socks in closet or drawer
And I doubt very much I’d ever dream of sweeping the floor
The dishwasher would be overflowing with mugs and cups and pans
And there would be garbage in bags in the driveway right beside the cans
I wouldn’t know the proper way to thinly slice up a tomato
And I bet I’d slice a finger or two if I tried to peel a raw potato
I’m sure I’d consider it a home cooked meal if I had chicken pot pies
A day out would be topped off with a plate of Mc Donald’s salty fries
The microwave would be my salvation on days when I would be in haste
But who could I complain to when the TV remote is misplaced
I don’t know how to mop, I don’t know how to chop I don’t know how to shop
At the meat counter, I couldn’t pick out a decent steak or a decent pork chop
Remember the morning I tried to make breakfast and the pan was ablaze
And we had the smell of burnt bacon around the place for days
The only thing I could probably do properly is a couple of slices of toast
But I certainly would never try my hand at even a little pot roast
I wouldn’t know about computers at that I surely would fail
It would be useless sending me a message if it was sent by email
So if people want to get in touch with me they better send a letter
But if they called me on the house phone that would probably be better
When I look back over years I realize I’ve led a rather sheltered life
You did all the real dirty work and you were a really wonderful wife
And of course since I retired I’ve lots of advice and always under your feet
Another woman with less patience would have thrown me out on the street.
I can well understand why you have all those pre-planned daily routines
I wonder how they did it years ago before we men invented machines
.
I think I’d be very lonely and I’d have teardrops in my eyes
Around the house I am totally useless I have no womanly skills
I’m only good as spending money I never learned to pay the bills
I can hardly make my breakfast I don’t know how salad is tossed
I don’t know about washing cycles I don’t know how to defrost
The thought of using the propane dryer is really horrifying
I’d probably burn the house down while my clothes were drying
I’d never find clean underwear or socks in closet or drawer
And I doubt very much I’d ever dream of sweeping the floor
The dishwasher would be overflowing with mugs and cups and pans
And there would be garbage in bags in the driveway right beside the cans
I wouldn’t know the proper way to thinly slice up a tomato
And I bet I’d slice a finger or two if I tried to peel a raw potato
I’m sure I’d consider it a home cooked meal if I had chicken pot pies
A day out would be topped off with a plate of Mc Donald’s salty fries
The microwave would be my salvation on days when I would be in haste
But who could I complain to when the TV remote is misplaced
I don’t know how to mop, I don’t know how to chop I don’t know how to shop
At the meat counter, I couldn’t pick out a decent steak or a decent pork chop
Remember the morning I tried to make breakfast and the pan was ablaze
And we had the smell of burnt bacon around the place for days
The only thing I could probably do properly is a couple of slices of toast
But I certainly would never try my hand at even a little pot roast
I wouldn’t know about computers at that I surely would fail
It would be useless sending me a message if it was sent by email
So if people want to get in touch with me they better send a letter
But if they called me on the house phone that would probably be better
When I look back over years I realize I’ve led a rather sheltered life
You did all the real dirty work and you were a really wonderful wife
And of course since I retired I’ve lots of advice and always under your feet
Another woman with less patience would have thrown me out on the street.
I can well understand why you have all those pre-planned daily routines
I wonder how they did it years ago before we men invented machines
.
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